Thursday, September 27, 2012

Let me explain to you why Pinterest is dangerous...

(I had a recent discussion with a friend as to whether it was pronounced PINterest or P-interest.  Yea, I don’t know but P-interest sounds too Snoop Dogg for me, so I’m going with the first one. I’m simply not cool enough for Snoop).
I have a pretty strong creative side (read ADD), and in my current job, creativity isn’t really a requirement.  You simply cannot make contracts cute.  I have found that I need extracurricular activities to keep myself focused (again with the ADD) And I don’t mean extracurricular activities like High School FHA … shut up, it was fun!   The dog hates wearing clothing and the Hub said I can’t repaint the house anymore so enter Pinterest.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

And now for a new episode of Texting with Mom.....

It should be noted that this text conversation was not altered in any way a TON completely. 
Daughter #2:  When a guy has an extremely long pinky nail, is that a crack nail?
Me: It could be.  Or he wants you to think that. I think that “style” was over in the early 90’s so it may be bad hygiene.
Daughter #2: It’s his only long fingernail.
Me: No one can account for bad taste dear.  Don’t be so judgey!
Daughter #2: Ewwwwww!!!
Me: And I don’t even know if you use a fingernail for crack.  I think you smoke crack… or inject it.  Long pinky nails were used for cocaine.  Maybe he’s confused. (See Mom, that Criminology degree is definitely coming in handy now!)
Daughter #2: I didn’t ask him.
Me: Did he have a hairless cat and small cloned twin?
Daughter #2: Um…, NO MOM!
Me: Yea. Don’t talk to him. Either he’s an old school druggy pimp, a really dumb drug user, an evil Dr. trying to take over the world with sharks and laser beams or he's hygienically challenged. In any case, he’s not datable.  EVER!!! (This is great advice, by the way - write that down!)
Daughter #2: Definitely! He’s creepy!!!!
Me: Well do you feel like you have had your quota of useless illegal drug trivia for today?
Daughter #2: Yeah, oddly enough I do.
Me: That’s what I’m here for baby.  Also, I’m totally blogging this.
Daughter #2: Great. I’m glad I can help. (this was over text, but I assume this was typed while rolling eyes – possibly muttering)
I can only assume the dude looks similar to this......
It's Dr. Evil, I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called "mister," thank you very much
On a totally unrelated note, I’m driving to the PEPPER SPRAY store now.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!

photo from here

Much like Jack Nicholson in The Shinning… “Here’s Johnny!” Except my name is Missy. And no one is writing “REDRUM” on mirrors or chopping down doors with axes.  And I don’t believe I have been possessed by evil poltergeists but that’s always up for debate I suppose. And let’s face it.  I’m not gonna clean that big ol’ hotel for the entire winter.  Let’s be realistic people!
What I have been possessed with is a bout of depression.  Mine isn’t totally obvious or drastic but it’s slowly taken away much of my energy and ability to do the things I enjoy.  There have been lots of major changes in my life in the last several months and while those were great changes (they really are good), I’ve felt very consumed by them.  To be honest, I haven’t had the desire or the energy for anything more. Dealing with the changes and normal life stresses has made me just emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted.   I have many friends who suffer much greater /deeper depression, and I don’t want to minimize their situation in ANY way, but even in small doses depression is debilitating.  And while I’m not an expert on the subject (though I have read about it on WebMD, so I’m almost an expert), I can only attest to what I feel and how I deal with things.
The thing about depression for me is that I can still function fairly normal.  However I’m just going through the motions.  And it creeps up so quietly that you don’t realize you have been in a fog until you finally start to come out of it.  I’m not sure my family even realized, but I can see now that I was struggling.  But that’s what us moms do, right?  We make sure everyone else is happy and content before we worry about ourselves. It’s a mom thing.
But the good news is I am feeling more like myself.  So that pile of little extra things that-aren’t-vital-to-survival need to be done.  Since I’m a type-A person, I do love me some To Do Lists.  I’ve decided that there are 33 things I want to get done before 2013.  (20+13 = 33 – it’s like I’m Archimedes – He’s the father of mathematics. I looked it up.  Anyone else wish he’d have used protection?  Haha.  Oh come on. That’s funny, yo!) Anyway, I won’t tell you the whole list (don’t be so nosey!) but I will give regular updates.  Just cuz it’s my blog and I can.  And I won’t even make one of the items “make a list”.  Shut up… I’ve done that before.  It’s a process people!
So.  One item is to be more consistent with my blog.  But as is tradition with my hiatus’ (hiati? hiatuses?) I’ve come up with a fake list of why I didn’t blog this summer:
·         I accidently stumbled upon Honey Boo Boo and lost about 50 IQ points.
·         Pitched a show called “Softball Moms” it’s like Dance Moms except less whining and over involved parent’s pushing their kids to the limit … oh.. wait. Nope. Pretty much the same thing.
·         Took my mad farmin’ skillz from Farmville and bought a farm.  Raising goats.
·         Adopted a gorgeous metal parrot named Ricky from a horrendous living situation in Mississippi.  Ok, it was from a nice, clean antique mall… but that doesn’t sound as admirable or less creepy.
·         Attempted to make “couch potato” an Olympic sport.  Failed.
·         Two words…. shark tank.
·         Spent the summer admiring all the wonderfully honest and kind political ads. 
·         Stalked Justin Bieber. Not as a fan…. To prove he’s an alien robot.
·         Spent an amazing summer with three of the most awesome daughters anyone could ask for.  Fact.
If you suffer from depression or think you may be depressed…. Please don’t listen to me.  I’m an idiot.  However your Dr. isn’t.  Definitely talk to someone who has a “real” medical degree… and not one that they created in Publisher.