Friday, October 14, 2011

A tale of Facebook Love.

She had known him for a few months.  Not deeply personal, but well enough. Friends. Most good relationships started with friendship, right?  She had admired him from afar; monitoring his posts, watching his progression on Farmville and happily observing his occasional postings about being tired and his hatred of traffic.  She enjoyed his photo postings of his favorite foods and the occasional buddy pose with his friends.  You know the one: arms around each others’ shoulders, camera extended, goofy smile. She found his fondness for puppy videos endearing even though she herself preferred kitten videos, but tomato/tomato.
She also observed as girls shamelessly toyed with him.  Truthfully, she was a bit jealous of the way they flaunted themselves. Flirty comments and their occasional “poke”.  Oh, the innuendoes were not lost on her.  Desperate often?   
Some of the more aggressive girls she monitored more closely.  Looking at their pages, their friends.  She had mentally placed labels on them.  “Hussy”, “flirt”, “fake”, “what was he thinking” and “for reals?”  Fortunately none of the girls stayed around for long, she assumed this was their norm.  What with their persistent “liking” and smiley face comments and the dozens of bathroom photos. How many photos of yourself in a bathroom mirror do you really need?  She especially despised the photoshopped photos that made their eyes unnatural colors.  Who has purple eyes she often wondered?  Seriously! How could he even entertain the thought of having a meaningful relationship with someone with such terrible grammar, spelling and a penchant for saying things like “OMG, I totally LUV these shoes…. They are only $300!!!  I think I’ll get a pair in fuchsia too!”  Babbling geese!
She meticulously scanned her own photos to be sure she looked acceptable.    Deleting any photos that portrayed any hint of bad hair, weird eyes or chubby arms.  She chastised friends who tagged her in unflattering poses.  Yes… I had a great time, but hanging out eating cookie dough and watching movies in my fuzzy socks does not need to be announced to the Facebook world. Even her game avatars were well dressed and groomed to perfection.  Online appearances are so very important these days.
For weeks she watched.  Waiting for the perfect moment.  If she was going to make a move, her timing had to be perfect.  Her response, ideal.  Casual and interesting.  It had to be well thought out, but have the appearance of quick wit and charm.  Oh man!  Even just thinking about it made her break into a sweat! Would he respond? Would he remember why they were friends?  The hard part was already over…. They were already friends. But part of the trouble with admiring from afar was waiting in the shadows. He had over 1000 friends… she was but one of them.  But she couldn’t allow herself to worry about that now.  She had to remain focused. Like a soldier on the battlefield or a properly trained boy scout.  Ready at all times. 
And then, one day… it was there. Perfect. The Babbling geese were not online – probably out shoe shopping. His post was casual, innocent even.  “Who wants to catch me for the new movie tonight?” 
This was it.  The time had come.  It was now or never.  It had to be quick, prompt and the precise response.  She wrote her comment.  Rewrote it a dozen times, and almost hit the “x”.  Could she really go thru with this?  All the months of planning, waiting, watching.  Like an Olympic athlete at the pinnacle of his performance…. The time was now.  Well, here goes nothing… just her whole life. 
She hit send.  Immediately she regretted it… could she take it back? Oh… why had she been so foolish? Think… why didn’t Zuckerberg put a cancel button here?!?  Stupid Zuckerberg! How could he be so careless!!!  Well, if he didn’t respond favorable, she could just say “just kidding” or blame her phone for mixing the message up.  Yes… that was a good plan. Maybe she could fray innocence.  Someone hacked her account… or she mistakenly posted to the wrong friend.  She took a deep breath and let it out slowly… slowing her pulse.  Ok.  Better to appear the victim of a faulty phone or a mean hacker than expose her true feelings.  Rejection is an ugly thing.  But, chin up.  No sense in worrying yet.  He probably hadn’t even read her comment yet.  More deep breaths.
She waited. The minutes drug out like the drive through lane at Hardees.  Staring the app on her phone.  Heart pounding.  A million thoughts running through her head. She blinked and there it was.  His response.  She closed her eyes and looked again… was that? it couldn’t be… yes.  His response was “So you like Vin Diesel too?”  No way!  Unbelievable!  Seriously? She barely contained the laughter and she couldn’t erase the goofy smile from her face.   She was such a girl!  But a happy girl!
And so began their Facebook romance.  Private chats, instant messages and gifting Farmville animals to each other.  To show her true feelings, she even joined Frontierville to help him with challenges.  They played cards, bejeweled and joked about who was better at Sudoku. (She let him think he was better – it was best for the relationship).  Late night chats and sharing funny videos became the norm.  A more perfect romance was not possible.
Oh sure, they never dated in the “traditional” sense.  Movies, dinner, bowling… those were boring habits of the past.  She was happy.  He was happy.  They IM’d about their happiness. 
Then it happened.  She had dared not dream of it, but it happened.  A sign of true love.  Only a select few ever reached this point.  He changed his Facebook status to “in a relationship”.  This was definitely true love.  With the click of a mouse her wildest dreams came true.  Facebook love.  She instantly and secretly began planning their Frontierville family.  
To be continued….

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