Sunday, March 18, 2012

Busy saving humanity....

Sorry I haven’t blogged in a while.  I’ve been busy battling undead things.  Yea.  Like in the movies.  Except less bad acting and no leather thigh high boots.
I was in the shower the other morning and I saw a spider.  I hate them almost as much as millipedes.  This was the biggest spider ever.  Like big from that really bad syfy movie with all the pretty people and bad acting where they fight alien bugs.  You know the one - Neil Patrick Harris is like a General or something and Denise Richards almost gets eaten by a huge brain sucking grub-worm looking bug (I think there could be a Charlie Sheen joke in here... but I can't do everything for your people!). Can’t remember it, but this spider made those look like babies. *****UPDATE***** Ok. Maybe it wasn’t quite that big, but it was ginormous.  It looked something like this…..

So with my cat-like reflexes and nerves of steel, I drowned the spider and watched as his lifeless body slowly slid behind one of the thousand shampoo bottles in my shower.  I finish the shower. Yea. It’s how I roll…  I’m like a robotic, professional hitman that way… bug death doesn’t affect me. 
But as I’m shaving my legs, I accidentally knick my ankle. (Definitely a typical day).  And as I’m checking out my injury, a little bit of blood drips to the shower floor.  At that VERY moment, the dead spider (or so I though) washes down to the drop of blood.
Life preserving measures took effect and I immediately recognized it as a vampire spider.  I didn’t take a photo because… well I was in the shower and that’s just weird… but it looked something like this….
FYI: Those would be bloody fangs.  Cuz, you know... the whole vampire thing.

At not even 6 am!  Yea! I know.  I’m sure there is some reasonable explanation about the transformation.  I mean.  I thought I understood the whole vampire rules thing, but now they are shimmering, mixing with werewolves and walkin’ in the sun… I just don’t know anymore. 
So to save myself and all humanity, I beheaded it and finished my shower.  As you know... beheading is the end all be all of killing the undead - everybody knows that - beheading... always go with beheading.  But, yea. I got mad vampire spider slayin’ skillz yo!
So friends, that’s why I’ve been lapse in blogging THIS week.  Someone has to keep you people safe.
***Starship Troopers!  That’s the movie!  Thanks bad syfy movie lovin friend!

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