Sunday, May 20, 2012

Creepy parking garages always ruin everything. Write that down.

Last year for Christmas, I bought the Hub tickets to see his favorite comedian. I won't tell you the comedian's name, but he goes by "fluffy". The tickets were for this weekend, and the concert was held at a gorgeous old theater in the downtown area of our small city.

City may be a bit of an exaggeration, but its not a tiny town either. Our downtown area has undergone a lot of revitalization and has become neat and modern in places. However its a work in progress and there are nice areas and literally a block away are older, less nice areas. Its really rather "hit and miss".

So last night we traveled downtown. Given the rare opportunity to dress up, I wore my rarely worn, but absolutely fantastic high heels. (Go girl!) So I asked that the Hub park as close as possible to save my toes. He found a parking garage just a street over from the theater. Awesome.

Now. I hate parking garages. They are dark, creepy, and I feel like the walls and ceiling are closing in on me. Kinda like a tanning bed or as I call it.. a bright, warm, sunburn giving coffin. Anyway, this was an older parking garage, and it felt much "shorter" than normal. By the time we got to the first floor, I had inched down in my seat in order to distance myself from the impending ceiling collapse. Awesome.

The Hub parks, and we walk down to the street. As we walk down, I decide that the old, decrepit parking garage looks rather spooky. Like a zombie attack location or a future crime scene. While I didn't see body outlines there, I decided that perhaps they had been washed off. I mention this to the Hubs and inform him that if we get attacked by zombies or werewolves, I wasn't above disabling him and making a run for it. Its always good to be completely honest in a relationship. Write that down.

We get to the street and walking down the sidewalk we notice two guys. Both were dressed in normal jeans and t-shirt and one had his face painted like he was a groupie for Insane Clown Posse or wanted to be. And. He was barking. Which was odd because he was painted like a bat or a pterodactyl. I didn't stare, lest I encourage him to fly over and chew my neck off. Never stare down potential prehistoric birds. Flying mammals. Pretty much anything prehistoric. Write that down.

We head toward the theater via a disgusting alley. While in the alley we may or may not have witnessed a drug transaction. The alley was also filled with several restaurant workers sitting on milk crates. They all appeared to loathe life and were drowning their sorrows in Mountain Dew and bad tattoos. Definitely looked like a rapey kinda alley. Or at least a mugging kinda alley. I made note of at least three places where Freddy, Michael or Jason could hide. Also, I had decided that I could, if necessary use my high heels as a weapon. Though I really love those heels, so it would have to be a dire emergency. I'm like the McGyver of surviving unrealistic, impossible fantasy attacks. I restated my plan of leaving the Hub behind if necessary. See? Honesty. Awesome.

The best part of the night? Walking back thru the area at 11:30 at night. Yep. Like a boss.

This is an example of the scary parking garage at 11:30 pm.  Except there are less lights.  Broken concrete.  Cracks in the pavement.  Shattered windows.  Ok. This is nothing like the parking garage at 11:30 pm.

So. Here are the takeaways from this story.
One: The Hub really knows how to be romantic.
Two: I now know what its like to be in a b-rated horror movie.
Three: Fluffy was great despite the impending assault or zombie attack awaiting us in the parking garage.
Four: Always be honest with your relationships. Especially facing fictional, unrealistic danger.
Five: There are always weapons to be found if you are creative.
Six: I'm trying out new power words/phrases. This week phrase is "awesome" and "write that down". It's a work in progress.

Write that down.

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