It should be noted that this text conversation was
not altered in any way a TON completely.
Daughter #2: When a guy has an extremely long pinky nail, is that a crack nail?
Me: It could be. Or he wants you to think that. I think that “style” was over in the early 90’s so it may be bad hygiene.
Daughter #2: It’s his only long fingernail.
Me: No one can account for bad taste dear. Don’t be so judgey!
Daughter #2: Ewwwwww!!!
Me: And I don’t even know if you use a fingernail for crack. I think you smoke crack… or inject it. Long pinky nails were used for cocaine. Maybe he’s confused. (See Mom, that Criminology degree is definitely coming in handy now!)
Daughter #2: I didn’t ask him.
Me: Did he have a hairless cat and small cloned twin?
Daughter #2: Um…, NO MOM!
Me: Yea. Don’t talk to him. Either he’s an old school druggy pimp, a really dumb drug user, an evil Dr. trying to take over the world with sharks and laser beams or he's hygienically challenged. In any case, he’s not datable. EVER!!! (This is great advice, by the way - write that down!)
Daughter #2: Definitely! He’s creepy!!!!
Me: Well do you feel like you have had your quota of useless illegal drug trivia for today?
Daughter #2: Yeah, oddly enough I do.
Me: That’s what I’m here for baby. Also, I’m totally blogging this.
Daughter #2: Great. I’m glad I can help. (this was over text, but I assume this was typed while rolling eyes – possibly muttering)
I can only assume the dude looks similar to this......
It's Dr. Evil, I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called "mister," thank you very much
On a totally unrelated note, I’m driving to the PEPPER SPRAY store now.