Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Clearly I need to make enough money to hire a chauffeur.

Apparently today, I forgot to remove my “GO AHEAD.  PULL OUT IN FRONT OF ME… NO, REALLY.  IT’S OK.  YEAH, SERIOUSLY, FORCE ME TO SLOW DOWN TO A NEAR CRAWL JUST SO YOU CAN SAVE A NANOSECOND,  CLEARLY YOUR TIME IS MUCH MORE VALUABLE THAN MINE. NO, DON’T BE SILLY. IT’S NOT IRRESPONSIBLE AND INCONVENIENT TO ME” sign from the roof of my car.  Not one, but two vehicles pulled out in front of me today.  The second impatient driver not only pulled out with very little room, but there was no one- NO ONE behind me.  What the….?!? 
I know what you are thinking.  Female drivers always over reacting.  Yea, us poor women with our irrational fear of bugs, unpredictable PMS and bad driving.  Yea.  Both impatient drivers were men.  Yep.  Men.  So I really don’t wanna hear about women drivers. 
I never claimed to be a good driver.  There are three um, I mean two  could be some side mirrors that are missing from my vehicles.  So what if I like to see how fast I can make it into/out of the garage – or how close to the ascending door I can get without touching it.  So what if over the weekend I was the only one who wrecked their go-cart – and daughter number two was with me.   So what!  It doesn’t mean that I’m a terrible driver. Ok, maybe it does. It definitely does.  But the take away here is that I never CLAIMED to be a good driver. 

Which is why I need a chauffeur.  I could totally dig having someone drive me around.  It would free me up to embarrass my kids while dancing and singing to the radio more. It would give me time to watch that video on YouTube on how to paint my nails with those cool Japanese flowers on them. It would free up some more time to finalize the plans on my zombie proof house.  Sure you laugh now, but when they’re knocking down your door, you’ll be sad that I didn’t build that house.  So essentially I think my time is too valuable to be spent driving. 
See, totally all about me. I’m fitting into this blog thing SO well (see last post). 

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