Thursday, July 28, 2011

They are shinning my Mom of the Year award as we speak!

A few things you should know before reading this post.  1) Being parents of three daughters, the hubs and I have a house rule for our girls - no alone time with boys... ever! This is like the Eleventh Commandment.  [Thou shalt not canoodle alone with boys because they are icky] - see icky boy post. 2) I have very smart daughters who almost always, usually sometimes make good decisions.  This time does not count.
As you know, I’m vying for Mom of the Year, until when this conversation took place via text. 
Daughter: Last night, I was asked to watch a movie with A tonight after work. A is a clever representation of said icky boy.
Me: Who’s A? A movie theater or video, when, where? Gathering intel, see... mom of the year. 
Daughter: Friend from work.  His house. Video, no theater, no one else over. Ugh!
Me: So let me get this straight, you wanna go to a guys house.  Alone? At this point, the shooting pain begins in my right temple.
Daughter: Ya.  Double,Ugh!
Me: I would prefer not alone. And what I mean by prefer is no.
Daughter: He lives alone.  As far as I know he only invited me over.  He may have invited a few friends too, but I don’t know for sure. Really, he lives alone?  You mean like a serial killer?
Me: Well, you need to find out.  I know you wanna go, but you know how I feel about alone time with boys.  Sorta like how I feel about cutting off my own toe or watching the Lifetime network. Not good.

Daughter: I know.  But honestly nothing is going to happen.  Well, honestly my head REALLY hurts!
Me: Well, I’m pretty sure most victims say the same thing.  Do you like this dude?
Daughter: He’s cool to hang out with and all but not my type.  He’s quiet.  Seriously, the first thing the neighbor always says is “well, he was always quiet and kept to himself – I never suspected that he was [fill in the blank].
Me: Ok.  boys just like girls. Their “type” is anything with boobs.  Fact.
Daughter: Mom, I just wanna go hang out and watch a stupid movie. Nice. An attitude.
Me: thinking reverse psychology will work… see, that masters’ degree is finally paying off!  Ok. Well I guess you can do whatever you think is best. But I’m not happy with the situation and would prefer you find someone to go with you.  Like a someone with an automatic weapon, as sword, and spare body armor for you.
Daughter: Ok.
Me: Just tell me what you decide. Like you NOT going to a dudes house who may or may not be a serial killer.
Daughter: Ok
Me: And I would like to know where this pervert lives so the police know where to look for your buried body. Jk, but not really.  More good use of that degree.
Daughter: Ok.  lol.  Wow.  I can tell she’s rolling her eyes and clearly has NOT read my aversion to lolling!
Me: Yea it’s all fun and games till he says … hey, does this smell like chloroform??? Oh, my head really hurts!
Daughter: Ya ya.  And now she’s mocking me! This went SOOOOO well!
So the good news: She took a mutual friend, and was home on time. The bad news, I took a Tylenol pm and choose to believe she was home on time. Have I said that boys are icky?!?

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