Monday, November 28, 2011

Why I can start all over with Angry Birds...

Good news: I get to start all over with Angry Birds.  Bad News: I lost about three hours of my life....

So this year I went Black Friday shopping.  Which isn’t really accurate because I went on Thursday night… so technically it wasn’t Friday… although it felt very “black”.  Anyway, normally I would never-ever-ever-never participate in the weirdness.  I mean, Wal-Mart is crazy enough on a normal day let alone on a day that people use pepper spray to get sale items. But there was a gift that we needed and it was really a good sale.  Plus I do love a challenge, need blogging material, so Bugz and I trudged out at 9:45 to Wal-Mart in search of the item. 

Thinking we needed caffeine to make it through the madness (caffeine being a proven deterrent for being trampled), we drove to the local McDonalds only to find that it was not open.  Seriously. Wasn’t open.  That stupid clown cashes in on every loose penny available and hasn’t figured out Black Friday shopping is a gold mine! Whateve!

So sans coffee, we tentatively drove to the store where the only description applicable is utter, mass chaos.  We parked two parking lots away and made it to the back of the store with only getting blasted twice. I witnessed not one but two instances where watching piranhas fight over a wildebeest looked civilized.

We finally found the item we were looking for and we had just under two hours to wait for it to go on sale.  It’s kinda like a police stakeout except without a comfortable car, coffee and guns.  Oh… and we were in Wal-Mart.  I won’t go into the boring details; I’ll just give you this: We waited.  In a make-shift “line” that wove through the women’s underwear isle. With a ticket which guaranteed we got the item, but only if we did not leave said “line” – not even for a potty break.  Leo, aka the line Nazi, said he’d give me a break on the potty thing lest I lose my spot and have to forfeit my golden ticket.  Which wasn’t golden or a ticket, unless you count a white piece of typing paper with some numbers on it a ticket.   However, Leo would also not answer my question as to why; if we had a “guarantee” ticket did we have to wait for midnight.  Nor would Leo accept a bribe to let me get the item and go home to my warm bed.  Leo sucked.

Because I’m always optimistic and sunshiny (shut up, I am dangit!), I try to always learn from my experiences and share with you folks.  I am a giver. So here are a few things I learned whilst Black Friday shopping:
·         Just because its 10:00 pm, does not give you the automatic right to wear pajama pants out in public.  No, not even holiday ones with Garfield in a Santa hat. And no spandex granny…Ever!
·         If you are bold enough to get a scooter from the front of the store, at least look like you need it.  Do not hop off, dart down the aisle, grab the last Lego set from spandexed granny, jump back on the scooter and peal out on two wheels to the next sales rack.
·         Just because we wait in line together for two hours does not mean I want to know your life story, what you are purchasing, and why you are purchasing it.  You should also know that we may be line neighbors, but I will not spare you a trampling if you get in my way.
·         Turns out that whole crowd mentality thing… truth.  I could barely control the urge to rush up and start grabbing ugly photo frames when the sales began simply because the other gazillion people were grabbing them. 
·         There is surprisingly little to do while waiting in line in the women’s underwear aisle.  I know, shocking!  And apparently Wal-Mart frowns upon getting a sleeping bag from the camping aisle, a microwave from housewares and making up some popcorn for the wait. Given that attitude, I didn’t even bother asking about the tv, blue ray and a movie. 
·         I believe I could be the pepper spray lady if given the right deal.  No really.  Everyone’s all outraged but probably because she thought of it first. 
·         Its good to have a skinny daughter with you.  She can squeeze through tight spaces and save you some spots in line – or under the aisle if necessary. (don’t ask).
·         And finally, hear me now peeps.  If you drop your smart phone on the concrete floor in Wal-Mart, at midnight on Black Friday.  It will break.  And every time this happens, somewhere a Christmas angel chokes on eggnog.

The good news is that with the new phone, I was able to replay all of the angry birds games!  It almost makes up for losing EVERYTHING else. J


  1. Your depictions from Black Friday are... well on point. Sure, I never worked WalMart retail on Black Friday, but i DID work at a mall... in a lingerie store. I never thought anyone would fight over a pair of panties... I was wrong.... Normally the crazies only come out when it's a full moon... I think EVERY Black Friday must have a full moon, because it's 90% full-blown crazies out there. You're funny! Keep posting!

  2. Thanks Karen! It was an adventure, and one I won't be repeating next year. I'm a huge fan of sleep. and not getting tazered. Go figure!


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