Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Zombies and creepy dudes just another day in my life...

The events of this story may or may not be factual (most likely not).  At the very minimum they are greatly over exaggerated to the point of ridiculousness.  Any similarity to zombies, humans, creepy humans or circumstances (real or fake) is purely coincidental and a bit frightening. 
In the hallway the other day, near lunch time, my friend S (who thinks its really fly to be identified by just a letter…. Kinda like Cher) stops me and says “hey, I have a zombie question for you”.  Since I am totally a zombie expert, my interests are peaked.  “You may proceed” I reply in a smug-know-it-all manner.  (I tend to get all high and mighty with my zombie knowledge).
The conversation goes nothing something  like this:
S:  “So during the zombie apocalypse, if food becomes major scarce - like no food anywhere, could/would humans eat zombie flesh to survive?”
Me: “ok, ew….”
S: “no, like those people in the mountains after the plane crash.”
Me: “ok, you realize zombie flesh is contaminated, dying flesh.  So if you ate it, you would become infected with whatever made the zombie a zombie.”
S: “yea, I guess you are right.”
Me: “obviously”  (I’m nothing if not confident in my zombie knowledge)
S: “And I suppose it’d have to be super bad circumstances to eat zombies.” 
Me: "uh, yea.... really bad... like NO FOOD bad.  Man, I am super hungry... like I could almost eat a zombie"
By this time we are in the lunch room debating what to get.  We pause to order and wait for our to-go orders.
We occupy our waiting time by observing the cafeteria chaos.  Which is, as usual, ripe with entertainment. *sigh*  But that, my friends, is another blog for another time.
After a few minutes, my food arrives and the gentleman begins to hand it over, then pauses. 
I look at him somewhat confused….and hungry. Then this conversation occurs (or not):   
Dude: “Let’s make sure this is what you ordered”
Me: “Oh, I’m sure it’s fine”
Dude: “no really, we should check”
Me:   “um, well, ok.”
..........and he opens the my to-go container.
Dude: “It’s a burger and fries.” well thank you, Mr. obvious....
Me: “ok, yep that’s my burger and fries”.  I can’t decide if he’s judging me on my poor food choice or trying to annoy me.  The second option won.
I look at my friend, who is cracking up, yet not helping at all.  Thanks “S”!  
So I take off before I can be annoyed any further.  I manage to get to my desk with my correct food.  I quickly send this email to S:
“I’m quite certain that dude totally touched my food with his tongue.  However I’m starving ... and I’m gonna eat it. Don’t judge”. 
As I'm eating my probably pawed-at food I decide that I would not eat zombie flesh no matter how hungry I get.  Gals gotta have standards, ya know. 
There you have it.  A day in the life of me.  Its sheer wonder that I’ve not been locked up yet.

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